First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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