bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
