3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
