would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
