I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
