That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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