I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it's like iHOP with fire
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
