Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
