what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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