I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
