I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
