after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
