i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
