First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
