bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
