just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize