some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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