I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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