I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
