I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
