my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
