If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
