hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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