Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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