yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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