you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
