put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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