she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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