That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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