what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
