Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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