I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize