im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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