You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
