She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
