nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
