There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
