i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
