i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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