her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
How's work?
Spinning.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
