I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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