im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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