I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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