The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My pussy is not your playground.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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