She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize