my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
