these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
