How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
