I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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