shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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