You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
