literally had 100 drinks last night.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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