I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize