This girl is more easily done than said...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
