They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
