I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
