You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
