I will die if light touches me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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