I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
