You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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