Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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