I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
