she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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