If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
