shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Welp...herpes.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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