He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize