What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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