I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
