Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
