By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize