She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
