Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
