So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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