my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
