Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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