I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
