you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
