She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
