Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My feet surprised me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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